


Mistake

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, Past Child Abuse, characterization? dont know her, cis girl au i guess???, good question, listen....., mostly written at like 4 am, why did I do this?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 15:55:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11809278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: trixie just doesn't know anymorefake dating au





	Mistake

Everything about him was beautiful, from the curve of his ankle between the rolled cuff of his jeans and the top of his sneakers to the way he tapped his fingers along the hardwood of the table. He was her soulmate, and she had convinced herself of such since the first time she’d seen him. She’d even pretended to be very interested in the artificial sugar selection the previous week just to head him give his name to the barista. He was Brandon and he was perfect. 

“You’re staring again,” Katya pointed out with a suggestive smirk, slipping into the seat across from Trixie, blocking her view. 

Trixie just groaned in response, dropping her head so her nose grazed the table. She’d given up denying it weeks ago, not that Katya ever believed her denial.

“Just go talk to him,” Katya rolled her eyes good naturedly and grinned, “Where’s months of staring like a fucking stalker going to get you?” She slid the frappe Trixie had asked for across the table, 

“I can’t!” Trixie responded with a mild amount of panic, “He probably has a girlfriend anyways and I’m… Well… I don’t know,” She trailed off in defeat.

Katya laughed and took a sip of her coffee, making a face, “Fuck,” She whispered, wrinkling her nose in disgust, “I distinctly asked for decaf, I’ll be right back,” She shot Trixie an overly enthusiastic smile as she hopped back out of her car and sashayed toward the counter. 

Trixie sighed, and swirled her drink with the straw absent mindedly, blending the whipped cream into the crushed ice. There’s no way she could talk to him, what would she even say? She wasn’t like Katya, or at least how Katya was now. She knew it was stupid, knew that there was no way she could be in love with him, they’d barely spoken before, and she doubted he even knew she was alive. Just as she leaned her head down to drink she felt a presence in front of her. She glanced up, not taking her mouth from the straw and almost choked. Brandon stood in front of her, smiling awkwardly. 

“Oh! You scared me,” She said, a little too loudly. Someone from the next table shot a glare at her.

“Sorry! Sorry I didn’t mean to sneak up,” He smiled again, looking uneasy, “Uh, you’re, uh, Trixie, right?”

“Yes! Yes. Yeah, I’m, uh… I’m she, yes,” Trixie mentally punished herself for that mess of a sentence, “You’re, uh, Brandon, right?” As if she didn’t know, 

“Yeah,” He smiled that perfect smile of his again, “I’ve, um, seen you around and… I don’t know, I was…” 

He was cut off by Katya speed walking back to the table, “Trixie! Can you believe they charged me for another coffee! It was entirely their mistake, I can’t even fucking....” She was half yelling as she sat in the seat directly next to Trixie, she seemed oblivious to the other person at their table, 

“Katya, sorry, can you just…” Trixie started but was cut off by Katya throwing an arm across her and scooting her chair closer. Trixie felt her heart stop in her chest. Katya hadn’t initiated physical contact in… well, in 6 months at least. 

“Why do bad things happen only to me,” Katya grumbled, casually resting her head on the other girls shoulder, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if she hadn’t refused to touch Trixie since that night.  
“Oh, sorry, are you… are you…” Brandon started to say, rubbing the back of his neck, looking confused.  
“Together?” Katya finished, with a hint of hostility.  
“Uh… yeah, are you?” Brandon looked embarrassed and eyed the exit of the cafe unsubtly,  
“You got a problem if we are?” Katya replied shortly.  
Trixie had been too shocked by the physical contact to react to the situation but now she softly spoke up, “Katya… what are you…” Katya dug her fingernails into Trixies shoulder to stop her words without breaking eye contact from Brandon.  
“No! No, I’m, uh… I’m sorry,” Brandon adjusted the bag around his shoulder and turned to the door, “I should go, I’ll, uh, see you around Trixie,” He gave her a meaningful look and started to walk away.  
Trixie almost called after him, she knew he was seconds away from asking her for her number or to hang out or SOMETHING, but then he was gone and Katya was still wrapped around her like a koala.  
“What the fuck?” Trixie demanded, peeling Katyas arm from her shoulder, “He was about to ask me out!” If anyone except for Kayta had pulled something like that, they would’ve been dust before they could’ve finished their sentence.  
“I have a proposition, Tracey,” Katya smirked in a way that made Trixie want to punch her, “That will benefit us both,” She leant forward across the table, like she was about to tell a big secret,  
Trixie then considered just standing up an leaving the cafe and going to find Brandon and explaining that her best friend was certified crazy and shouldn’t be allowed in public, but something she couldn’t explain kept her sitting there, “What?” She asked, leaning in also.  
“You know Violet?”  
“The girl we’ve spent almost every day with for the last year and a half? Yeah I think I’ve heard of her,” Trixie put every ounce of sarcasm she was capable of producing into this statement,  
Katya rolled her eyes and laughed, she laughed a lot these days, “Well… I kinda have the biggest ever hard on for her,”  
“Katya.” Trixie warned, “I swear to god if you just ruined every chance of happiness I have ever had to tell me you want to fuck our friend I’m gonna slap you so hard you see the Lord himself,”  
Katya laughed again, and moved on as if Trixie had never spoke, “But the problem is… Violet has the biggest homewrecker complex I’ve ever encountered, so…” She paused for dramatic effect and only continued when Trixie pulled her fist back threateningly, “I think we should pretend to date.”  
“WHAT!” Trixie shrieked, making several people at neighbouring tables whip their heads up in alarm, she glanced around and lowered her voice to a barely comprehensible whisper, “You’re actually fucking insane, aren’t you?”  
“No! Okay! Listen, so… We pretend to date, which makes Violet interested, and your irrelevant boyfriend jealous, okay? And we really really act it up and are all over each other, just to sell it you know?” Katya spoke like she had just invented the cure for cancer, like she was the single smartest person alive, “And then I let Violet think she stole me away, and then we break up because I cheated, right? And you’re all heartbroken and sad and, c’mon every guy has a fucking savior complex, so… I get to fuck Violet, and your boy feels like he can fix you, and you get your boy.” She paused again, “Its genius,”  
Trixie was speechless for a few seconds, and then leaned back in her chair and groaned quietly. “Okay. Maybe it’s just because I’ve slept for 3 hours and then drank 8 shots of espresso but…” She couldn’t believe she was about to say this, “It kinda makes sense,”  
“Yes!” Katya fist pumped and giggled, “So you’re in?”  
Trixie stopped and studied Katyas face. She knew this could be risky. She knew there could still be unresolved feelings even if Katya refused to admit that night had happened at all. Still. Maybe this could be a way for her and Katyas friendship to get back to how it used to be. And feeling Katya touching her intentionally again felt nice. “Ugh.” Trixie sighed, “You’re an idiot and I hate you. But I’m in,”  
“Yes! Yes! Yes!! I’m in love with you Tracey,” Katya looked like a little kid, when she smiled she smiled with her whole body, she giggled again and wrapped an arm around her fake girlfriend, “Violet here I come!”  
“And Brandon here I come.” Trixie tried to match the enthusiasm, but all she could think about was how the arm around her felt alien and unfamiliar, she wondered if Katya even noticed.  
\--  
6 months previously.  
They were drunk. But of course they were drunk. They were always drunk. Well except for Katya, but she was never drunk.  
They had finished the bottle of tequila and 8 pack a long time ago and had somehow made it to their towns only big dance club which was a solid 9 miles from where they’d begun the night.  
Kim and her friend Naomi had disappeared about an hour ago and the other girl they’d picked up on the way here was puking in the bathroom, so it was just a sober and smug Katya watching a highly intoxicated Trixie make a complete and absolute fool of herself.  
“Katya!” Trixie whined, pulling off one of her heels with a pained expression, “Come dance with me!”  
“Looks like you’re doing a perfectly fine job of that by yourself,” Katya responded, smiling affectionately at the other girl.  
“But it’s fun! Come have fun!” Trixie grinned and half walked half fell toward Katya who caught her with a good naturedly eye roll,  
“Your lucky I like you,” Katya groaned but she allowed herself to be led into the dance floor by the other girl.  
A dubstep remix of a Katy Perry song blasted over the speakers, a man with big headphones stood by an absurd amount of dj equipment and wires but didn’t actually seem to be doing anything except taking pictures of said equipment.  
“I hate Katy Perry,” Katya said pointlessly.  
“I know,” Trixie replied, reaching her arms around Katyas neck and linking her hands together. She gave a small smile and started to sway back and forth. The crowd pulsed around them.  
It was common knowledge that Katya liked Trixie, and Katya was never one to hide her emotions anyways. It should be awkward between them, but it never was. They were best friends, and they had been for years, Trixie didn’t like Katya back but she still liked her in a way. So it worked.  
Katya moved closer to Trixie and placed a hand on her waist, they were almost sort of slow dancing.  
“Where do you think Kim and the others went?” Katya asked, yelling over the noise of the crowd.  
“Who needs ‘em!” Trixie responded grinning. She was a carefree disty sort of drunk most of the time, though she refused to believe or admit it when she was sober, “We’re having fun by ourselves,” She bent forward gingerly and put her head on Katyas shoulder. She was taller than Katya and it was an awkward motion, but it felt right.  
Katya was watching her carefully. Trixie couldn’t see the other girl but she could feel her eyes, “Hey, uh, Trixie…” Katya started to say.  
And then they were kissing. Trixie didn’t know what came over her but suddenly she bent her head upwards and caught Katya by the mouth, making her lose whatever words she was about to say.  
Katya made a small surprised noise into Trixies mouth but didn’t break contact and slowly put her other hand on Trixies waist as if she thought if she moved too fast she’d break the spell. Trixie giggled slightly and ran her fingers along Katyas shoulder blades, deepening the kiss.  
“Lets go outside” Katya whispered, only pulling back a cm or two.  
Trixie smiled shyly, observing Katya up this close was weird. She was surrounded by her scent, “Okay.”  
They moved gracefully through the mass of people as a single unit joined at every joint and out a side door that led out into an ally that smelt like urine. Trixie scanned their surroundings. There were a few college age guys holding skateboards and smoking and 2 teenage girls rubbing the back of an eldery man who was puking violently. Not the most ideal make out spot but it would have to do.  
Katya moved first, pushing Trixie up against a wall with her arms on either side. She held her face an inch away from Trixies, as if asking permission to continue.  
Trixie nodded slightly and closed the gap, she wasn’t thinking about how she was making out with her best friend who was in love with her in a pee stained alley, she wasn’t thinking about anything at all, except the feeling of a mouth on hers and the sound of puking a few feet away.  
Katya let out the smallest moan, and Trixies world became suddenly much realer. She froze and whipped her eyes open. Katya was right there and her eyes were closed and she was kissing her. Katya was kissing her. She was kissing Katya. She was kissing her female best friend.  
Katya noticed that she was the only one moving and opened her eyes slowly, “Trix?” She asked, voice laced with concern.  
“I don’t want this.” Trixie said, she was in full fight or flight mode, but neither seemed an option.  
“Oh.” Katya thought she knew exactly what Trixie was saying and stepped back, “Sorry. We can stop.”  
“No. I don’t want this.” Trixie said again, she wasn’t looking at Katya, she wasn’t looking at the pink lipstick smeared across her cheek.  
“We can stop,” Katya repeated.  
“No that’s not... That’s not it. I don’t want any of this.” With the lack of a flight option, Trixie took the unfortunate turn down fight street, “I don’t like you, okay?”  
“What do you mean?” Katya asked, she looked confused and embarrassed and like she knew exactly what Trixie was about to say and didn’t want her to and Trixie hated that she was making her feel like this, but she couldn’t stop.  
“Why can’t you take a fucking hint, Katya? I don’t like girls and I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with me but just… Stop, okay?” Trixie was almost shouting now, she was bent at a 45 degree angle ignoring the bubbling feeling in her stomach that suggested she was about to end up like the guy slouched in the corner that the girls had given up trying to comfort, “Its fucking weird.” She stood up straight and looked at Katya directly for the first time since they came outside.  
Katya was expressionless, and still, looking Trixie directly in the eye.  
“I’m sorry I kissed you but…” Trixie trailed off, waving her hands around in front of her face, “I’m drunk and I’m horny and I don’t know why I did it but I… I didn’t want to kiss you.”  
Katya just kept staring, and it was chilling Trixie to the bone. Trixie started to realize what she had just said, and started trying to explain herself, starting to apologize when Katya leaned in close, “Why can’t I take a hint? Why can’t you? Don’t fucking lie to me, Trixie Mattel. You’re not drunk, I’ve been watching you all night. You haven’t drank anything since we’ve got here. You kissed me because you wanted to,” She laughed a humourless laugh, “I’m not here to be a fucking toy, I’m not just here for you to flirt with when you need your ego inflated anymore than it already is. I liked you. Past tense. Get over it. I’m sorry I was an inconvenience to your sexuality, I’m going home,” And with that, she left.  
Trixie was left alone in the alley. Every word Katya had said had been like a stab in the gut. None of it was fucking true. Of course it wasn’t. Why would Trixie want to kiss her. Sure maybe she wasn’t THAT drunk, but that doesn’t mean she wanted to.  
Trixie sat down gingerly, and pulled her hair out of her face and puked. Maybe if she puked enough she’d puke up her heart and her stomach and this sinking feeling would leave with them.  
She had fucked up. 

They didn’t talk for a couple days after that. Katya seemingly vanished off the face of the earth. She didn’t show up for work, where Trixie waited for 2 hours just out of view behind some trees, hoping to at least see her, to know she was … well, alive. But nothing.  
Until the following Tuesday, when Trixie saw her sitting under a tree with Violet Chachki in the park by their favourite cafe, laughing and chatting like normal. Katya glanced up at the exact right time and saw Trixie across the street.  
“Tracey! Come over here, I need you to settle an argument!” Katya called out gleefully, waving her arm around wildly. She looked happy. Almost too happy.  
Trixie shifted her bag around her shoulder and crossed the street, “Katya.” She said, quietly. It wasn’t a question nor a statement.  
“Come sit,” Katya ignored her and gestured to the patch of grass next to her, “Okay, Miss Violet here thinks for some ungodly reason that pyjama is spelt with an a, but I think it’s y, what do you think?”  
“Pyjama?” Trixie repeated, trying to hide the confusion from her face at seeing her best friend (if she could even still call her that) sitting in front of her again as if nothing had happened.  
“You don’t pronounce it like pie-ja-ma its pah-ja-ma!” Violet interjected, waving her hands for emphasis, “Its an a!”  
“I think its y.” Trixie said, partially because she thought that, partially because she thought even the slightest disagreement with Katya could crumble this whole mirage.  
“Yes! Thank you Trixie you beautiful mountain lion, you,” Katya laughed. It wasn’t like how she used to laugh, it was high pitched and screechy and loud.  
“Ugh,” Violet rolled her eyes good naturedly, “Not my fault you guys are the same person, we need another opinion,”  
It was a simple statement but the words cut Trixie deep. The same person. She looked at Katya out of the corner of her eye. She was smiling big and leaning forward and looked genuinely happy. Is it possible she didn’t remember? 

Since then Katya has changed. Subtle changes, sure, but they’re there. She got louder, more talkative, more flirtatious, more outgoing. Shes also more detached, more manic, more avoidant, more secretive. If Trixie was being honest, it was scary, she didn’t know how much she had to do with the changes but, it couldn’t be entirely unrelated. But she pretended to not notice anything, she pretended to not remember that night or the fact that Katya ever liked her. She pretended not to notice how much Katya freaked out when they’d as much as accidentally brush shoulders.  
Well, until now, she guessed.

**Author's Note:**

> i have most of the second chapter written out but i gotta edit it , if anyones interested it should be out in a couple days.  
> this fic started off as a rly basic drabble but then i was like what if......pain so i wrote a lot of words and now here we are


End file.
